An open letter to customers of all banks

[speaker_to_customers]

Dear customers

If you get an e-mail telling you that if you don't click on a link and input all your password information your internet banking access will be terminated (or even that your account will be closed) DO NOT OBEY! The e-mail did not come from us. It came from an Eastern European mafia. They will steal all your money.

Frankly, my dear, we don't give a damn whether or not you use your internet banking. If you don't use it for years on end you'll probably forget your passwords but that's your problem. It's no skin off our nose.

Similarly, if you get a letter or e-mail telling you that you have won the Spanish (or British, if you're in North America) Lottery this is not genuine either. Did you enter the Spanish Lottery? No? Then how the fuck could you have won it? The Lottery makes its money through people buying tickets. Not through picking random people's addresses and/or e-mail addresses and then charging them between 8,500 and 19,500 GBP "admin fees" before sending you the millions of Euro "winnings". The letter or e-mail comes from a branch of the Ukranian Mafiya based in Toronto, Canada. They will keep your money and will not send you anything in return. Got it?

PLEASE STOP SENDING ALL YOUR MONEY AND BANK DETAILS TO THE UKRANIAN MAFIYA AND THEN CALLING US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND EXPECTING ME TO GET THE MONEY BACK RIGHT THERE AND THEN. BECAUSE I CAN'T, OKAY? AND YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

And the widow of the late General Sani Abacha doesn't really need your help smuggling 130,000,000 dollars of purloined oil money out of Nigeria either.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/woman_of_/]

People fall for this! *shakes head*, I....lost for words!

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

People fall for it again and again.

[sp23.livejournal.com]

sigh The pigeon drop on a global scale. Between greed and stupidity, people leave themselves open to the most ridiculously obvious scams.

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

There seems to be an urge to get something for nothing that blows common sense out of the window.

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

Heee - latest one I've heard of is the pornsite 'you will be charged for accessing our porn so pay now' which is in fact a trojan virus nasty that will disable your last restore point and be incredibly difficult to get rid of.

Oh - and also has nothing to do with any pornsite or access to said porn, it's attached itself to several sites at random....

Niiiice.

[bogwitch.livejournal.com]

Some people are too stupid to live.

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

Somehow they don't seem to be stupid to breed, unfortunately.

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

You send out a couple of million spams, a few are bound to reach morons who happen to have the right bank account or whatever, just by law of averages.

Some of the counters I've seen (e.g. the guy who pretended to play along while describing a gradually escalating Cthulhoid plot) are works of art.

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

Playing along with it is a mistake; any reply confirms that it is an active e-mail account and guarantees a flood of further spam.

[vikingprincess]

You are awesome. And clearly, a bit frustrated with morons at the moment!

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I have enough real work to do without trying to sort out the problems of people who have brought their misfortunes upon themselves.

[vikingprincess]

nothing quite like karma....

[shallanelprin.livejournal.com]

I'm still baffled that people fall for that. *shrug* The general population is apparently littered with morons.

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

P T Barnum said 'There's one born every minute'. He underestimated considerably.

[sevedra.livejournal.com]

Damn. I really needed the winnings from that UK Lottery :(

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

And the widow of the late General Sani Abacha doesn't really need your help smuggling 130,000,000 dollars of purloined oil money out of Nigeria either.

Oh dear! Are you sure?

[appomattoxco.livejournal.com]

But one of those e-mails was sent to me by Lord Peter Whimsey! Lord Peter would never lie!

[kantayra.livejournal.com]

But what if I want that free Rolex they're offering, and all I need to do to get it is to give them my name, address, credit card number, bank account info, and then bend over and grab my ankles? It seems like a sweet deal!

It frightens me that there are still people falling for these things. o.O

[steanne.livejournal.com]

i have to wonder how people who believe these things have money to steal. i'd think they'd be too dumb to hold down much of a job.

[jerusha]

*pets you* People really can be stupid.

[fenchurche.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!! So many of these things could just be solved if people followed the simple idea of using their brains.

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

I've always thought that the lottery is God's way of taxing stupidity. Or possibly poor math skills...

Otherwise-- Bwaa-haa-haa!

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

Too bad that there is more truth than humor behind your post! There are too many people who are brain challenged.

[manoah.livejournal.com]

*boggles* People are really that...dense? I weep for humanity.

[rahirah]

Dear God. (polishes glasses)

Widow Abacha LIED?!?!?!!?

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Wait, what -- it's not for real? But I was so sure I'd won the Spanish lottery. Do you suppose they'll give me back the seed money I sent to that bank account in the Camen Islands?

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that I do not have to deal with these people, because I'm sure I would not be able to refrain from speaking in a way that would lose me my job...

[evilawyer.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Speaker. Okay, this is the plan: When you are mere days away from this retirement, and you get a call from one of these money-losing morons, you let loose and tell him or her exactly what you've said in your post. It'll feel really good!

[gillo]

Next thing you'll be telling me my penis can't be enlarged to teh size of Everest either...

Some people need nannies.

[booster17.livejournal.com]

You forgot the Russian lady who already has a visa for your home country but no-one to visit as she was cruelly dropped by the man she was corresponding with. Hee!

[cyradis.livejournal.com]

It's even sadder to think that I receive these kind of email in a seriously ungrammatical Italian, and still people fall for it. But what kind of bank would send email written as only an automatic translator can do?

[shapinglight]

I can't believe people still fall for these things.

[spikewriter]

Yet another reason why we've never let the Amalfi near email...

*snorts*

[redwulf50.livejournal.com]

You should change your use name to yells@idiots

[myxale.livejournal.com]

Are you tellin me...the Oil deal is not real...bhuuu poor widow!! ;)

LOL

But honest...I don't know if it's sad or rather stupid that there really are people who fall for this!

This is...like so lame! Where can a bloke stack all that oil?!?!?